You see, I no longer know who the cat is and who...the mouse. Having invited a group of neighbours for brunch, the numbers were greatly reduced by some cancellations, which left my interesting, old(er) gentleman and his wife - I had to invite her too in order not to arise suspicion over my potential intentions, or indeed be seen as rude - so I duly notified of the drop in numbers and my decision to postpone.

My racing driver older neighbour obviously belongs to the self-assured and confident generation of men who do not dither: I got an email back suggesting, no, telling me that he would still come by on his own after dropping wife off at the hairdresser, so we can both go down the river, an opportunity for me to speak to the forestry people who are supposed to cut branches off my ancient trees, hanging over the fast waters whooshing by.

How romantic! How cunning. Suddenly, I feel like I am the chased one rather than the chaser. There was no question or tentative suggestion; just the 'I shall come by and we can go down to mine, so you can speak to the tree-people'.

The British wonder what happened to their current society. I shall tell you what happened, as a foreigner living here: men have become emasculated, diminished in their role and unsure as to what makes women tick, apart from wrongly believing that a large pay-packet will make us girls happy 'career people' in charge of our own... what, exactly? Holidays?

Mr Vrooom belongs to a generation who thought that when you want something you bloody well go and get it.

Dear reader, that was a horny email. I could not fail to notice that the wife is out of the way. Now, what were we saying about seduction?