I went to get the boys at their summer camp, with trepidation in my mind and a sore foot -these mules are beautifully high but a touch tight.

I waited outside with a lump in my throat. What would it be this time? Pest n.2 attempting to strangulate the biggest child (he is tiny but very tough)? Pest n.1 creating a device to blow up the rest of the boys using talcum powder and Coke?

When the coach came out of the sports hall, he gave me both thumbs up and smiled. Only then, did I allow myself to feel some relief, and I smiled back. I refrained from doing 'thumbs up' back to him, as I find the gesture not very... ladylike.

Out they came, all the boys drenched with sweat, caked in suspicious matter and clutching biscuits in hands less than clean. I stopped myself from pulling a face with disgust, and bent over to speak to my little one.

'So, how was it today then?' I said, trying to look very 'proper'; this is a posh school and we don't want to give the wrong impression, do we?

'Very good, mamma. Very good. We had lots of fun. And James wants to give you something.'

'Who is James? Another boy?' I was still smiling then, sunglasses in my hair and my skirt riding up my thighs. The mules were killing me.

'No, it's the coach. Over there.' Pest n.2 pointed at one of the young guys who have been crazy enough to take on a dozen boys for a week, doing rugby, cricket and football games throughout the day.

'Ah. And what is it?' I asked, thinking it might be some more paperwork to sign, stating that I am happy for a man to look after my boys and touch their knee if they injure it whilst playing a sport.

'I don't know, mamma. He just said to Tom he wanted to give you something.'

'Who is Tom, my sweet? Another boy?'

'Nooooo! Mamma! It's the OTHER coach.'

'Right.' By now, I had crouched long enough and I could not feel my feet anymore.

'So, do you remember what it is, or shall I go and ask them?'

'He said... he said he wanted to give you something. One.'

I was very confused.

'One of what?' I asked, exasperated.

'He just said he wanted to give you one, that's all.'

I am not sure this is the right summer camp for my boys.