Settled for Seattle

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Settled for Seattle

by lucreziaborgia ^Pro @ 2008-08-20 – 00:58:51

He hugs me a little gruffly, with the awkwardness of somebody who no longer remembers how to do it.
'Come here, darling. Let's have a hug. I never see you anymore. These days you seem to live your own life.'

I stiffen a little, then pat his back affectionately. He is the father of my children.

'We never watched 'Sleepless in Seattle', did we?', he reminds me.

My ironing marathon never ends. I don't mind watching a movie whilst my family's clothes disappear into the steam and come out looking preppy.

So it's settled for Seattle.

I do the ironing. I watch the movie.

He reads the newspaper.

Why do I feel guilty?
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22 Comments to Settled for Seattle

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- homebird
- 2008-08-20 @ 02:48:34
'cos you have read me
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- miramaze
- 2008-08-20 @ 08:42:45
Only you can answer that.
You may need to have a heart to heart chat with hubby and connect again , one to one

XX
- - lucreziaborgia ^Pro
  - 2008-08-20 @ 09:52:22
  I wonder whether that might be a little late, Mira. Horses have escaped. I have been looking in the stables but all there seems to be left is straw. xxLuxx
  - - Collar
    - 2008-08-20 @ 10:11:46
    While I agree with M that only you can answer that ("Why do I feel guilty?").... is the question more that rhetorical?.. is the stress on the "Why", the "I" or what?
    
    I only partly agree with M on having the chat.. it might not lead to "reconnecting", but I think it will help whatever it leads to... but then for me, being stuck is the worst part of all.
    
    Why wander around alone looking at the straw? Don't other people have responsibilities in the stables too?
    - - lucreziaborgia ^Pro
      - 2008-08-20 @ 10:19:57
      C., of course you are right. The question is rhetorical but must be asked anyway. You are even more 'right' in saying that the worst it to be stuck. A chat would only highlight that. That's why I feel guilty: it's my inability to have a confrontation simply because I know that I may be stuck, but still hold the power.
      P.S. I believe Mr Husband has never wandered alone in the stables looking at the straw. All he's ever done is to go there and get a horse out every now and then.
      xxLuxx
      - Collar
        
        2008-08-20 @ 11:10:45
        
        Rome wasn't built in a day.
        I think a discussion would be the first breakthrough overcoming the first point of sticking.... even if, to begin with, it is to talk about talking. But make sure that the next discussion then happens soon.
        No, Rome wasn't built in a day, so be fair to yourself.
        
        As to the relationship being stuck, which is what I think you mainly assumed I was talking about, I believe that it will change by itself after you communicate.
        
        "holding the power":
        I think you have power - we all do - by power I mean personal power/control over your self /self- determination... sorry I can't be concise! Can you say what kind of power you are talking about?
        
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        lucreziaborgia ^Pro
        
        2008-08-20 @ 16:11:12
        
        No, C., I was not talking about the relationship being stuck. I was talking about ME being stuck. And... Of the two of us (Mr Husband and I), he may have the material power, but I have the emotional power. In any relationship, there will always be one who loves the other just a tiny little less (or a lot less). That person has the emotional power. In the long run, it's the more dangerous to have because it overrules self-determination.
        
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        Collar
        
        2008-08-21 @ 01:01:57
        
        OK I understand what sort of power you mean now. But in your last sentence, I don't know whose self-determination you are referring to.
        Take care, Lu.
        
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  - - miramaze
    - 2008-08-20 @ 10:50:20
    Might be so , but there is still hope , if you and horses are willing. Are you willing ?
    
    XXXX
    - - lucreziaborgia ^Pro
      - 2008-08-20 @ 16:12:45
      No. I am not willing. Not any more. And THAT's why I feel guilty. xxLuxx
      - miramaze
        
        2008-08-20 @ 16:44:28
        
        You're feeling guilty because you are not willing and hubby is willing ?
        
        X
        
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        lucreziaborgia ^Pro
        
        2008-08-20 @ 16:46:25
        
        Erm... No, if you put it like that... no. I feel guilty because I am not willing and he is not willing and... I ought to be willing for both of us. Does that make sense? Probably not. xxLuxx
        
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        miramaze
        
        2008-08-20 @ 16:55:43
        
        "I ought to be willing for both of us."
        
        who says ?
        where does that come from ?
        
        X
        
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        lucreziaborgia ^Pro
        
        2008-08-20 @ 19:17:56
        
        Me says!
        It comes from being a mover and a shaker, I think. Cannot just sit back. Could I? x
        
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        miramaze
        
        2008-08-20 @ 19:52:01
        
        This thought : " you ought to be willing for both of us " is causing you to feel guilt and it may not even be true.
        
        Do you see what I mean ?
        
        You always have a choice
        You could sit back.
        If you sit back , there is a consequence
        If you take action there is a consequence
        
        It's up to you to choose and to decide
        there is great empowerment in choosing and deciding
        
        X
        
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        miramaze
        
        2008-08-20 @ 19:53:27
        
        P.S . You did ask lu.
        
        Tell me when you want me to back off
        
        X
        
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        lucreziaborgia ^Pro
        
        2008-08-20 @ 19:59:36
        
        Why would I want you to back off, Mira? x
        
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        miramaze
        
        2008-08-20 @ 20:02:50
        
        Sometimes I can be pretty blunt , and not everyone can handle that .
        
        X
        
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- mazzy
- 2008-08-20 @ 15:57:47
Having read some of your blog, lucreziaborgia, I just wanted to comment generally on what I've read so far. Taking the subtitle of your diary, I don't think the effort put into monogamy is always for a limited result, the status quo might be of two people being genuinely in love, but I also know the results can be limted. Does having an affair, or a string of affairs, make people happy? I don't think it's necessarily pernicious to your committment to your partner, it depends on the people involved, I think, but it can also be harmful. I think the general mundanity of life can make other liaisons more exciting.
- - lucreziaborgia ^Pro
  - 2008-08-20 @ 16:31:39
  Mazzy,
  
  I will be argumentative (who, me?) and ask you, then, whether a good marriage should need that MUCH hard work to keep it ticking over (the 'status quo' I refer to). Emma's Diary is yielding painful discoveries: excitement could be found in mundanity provided it is with the right person. The choice will always be there; do you make your partner 'fit', do they already 'fit' (and thus only need some relatively small adjustments) or do you look elsewhere? And once you have, if the other person remains in the background, is your marriage any better?
  - - mazzy
    - 2008-08-20 @ 17:38:22
    lucreziaborgia,
    
    No, a marriage shouldn't really need an inordinate amount of hard work to keep it going; the subtitle of your blog is positing a general statement for other bloggers to chew over (a well as relating to a specific living experience), so I was just putting forward a thought.And of course mundanity can be exciting, all of these things depend on the situation you are in, but I think affairs can seem very exciting when compared to the mundanity of the day. Your last point is a pertinent one (they all are). (Before I go any further, I should say that some of my questions are rhetorical, as well as throwing them open to everyone). I don't know how far anybody should go to make someone 'fit'. A lot, I think, depends on why two people got together in the first place, and I'm not saying that your own circumstances fit the examples I'm about to give, I've not had chance to read all your blog yet(I'm a new blogger). What I do know is that there is no catch all answer to any of this, and that different situations suit different people. Anyway, if, for instance, one person loves and is in love with soeone, and that someone loves them back, but is not IN love with him/her, is it wrong for them to get together and stay together, in which case they would need to make some sort of 'fit' to accomodate this. That person may be sick of being treated like shit by others and want stability. Even then, adjustments may need to be made later on, it depends on the whole package. In another situation, there may be a Jungian projection/archytype thing going on, where one person projects things onto someone else and make it fit.
    If you do look elsewhere, it depends on what you do then. If the other person remains in the background, it depends on whether you want the other person in your life, and what you want from each of these relationships, how much you love the people in your life and in what way. To me, there is no right or wrong answer, no right or wrong way of doing things. I know that sounds a bit wishy-washy, sorry!
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- mazzy
- 2008-08-20 @ 20:10:25
I did just want to add that I'm in a position here I'm weighing things up as well, and don't quite know how to feel about my situation
mazzy
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